iamcupid profilja

Just how necessary is it to build up your self confidence? It’s not just some silly dating tip for women to ponder. I recommend it as your highest priority.

You definitely can attract a man’s attention with your drop-dead beauty, charming personality or your brilliant intellect. But without self- confidence you won’t maintain his interest very long.

And, what’s equally true...

If you’re aiming to get “out there” and actively date, you risk getting rejected and feeling like a failure sometimes. Believe me, I know those feelings can tempt you to give up...to just stay home and watch TV...and to hide out from your own love life.

BUT...!!

If you're anything like the thousands of women I’ve coached, you'll soon discover that what shrinks your self confidence most, is NOT pushing yourself, and NOT venturing outside your comfort zone.

You see, like you...

MEN also are looking for a motivated, self-assured mate. Your self confidence is irresistible, because it makes him feel great about himself. So, knowing how to build up your self confidence (till it’s oozing from your pores) is vital. To start read the following tips from Alex Wise, a dating coach and CEO of Loveawake dating site:

1. Eliminate Negative Self-Talk

FYI: There’s a critical little voice inside your head saying pretty rotten things about you:

“I’m not_______enough to succeed at dating,” or...
“I’m just too shy/bossy/fat/busy/old for this,” or...
“I’m obviously NOT marriage material,” etc.

Guess what that does to you? A constant flow of internal put-downs gradually makes you sound and act like you’re not sure you’re good enough for a quality relationship. Trust me, men will notice it —from a mile away!

*****

Make an aggressive decision to quit treating your put-downs like proven facts.

STOP reflecting on them constantly, verbalizing them, and pouring emotional energy into them. That’s exactly how NOT to build new self confidence. When your negative self-talk starts up, disarm it by immediately reminding yourself (even aloud)...

“This is ONLY an “unconfirmed rumor—NOT a proven fact.”

2. Use Personalized Affirmations

It seems silly, but it works. How? To really build more self confidence, bombard your subconscious mind with positive affirmations.

Write five for each of the following three types of statements (Must be brief, specific, and positive):

“I AM” (e.g. “I am blessed with a beauty and brains to share.”)

“I CAN” (e.g. “I can attract the right mate by being the real me”)

“I WILL” (e.g. “I will have incredibly enjoyable dates.”)

Repeat them aloud (conveying intense emotion and commitment) at least 20 times morning and night and throughout your day.

3. Surround Yourself with Uplifting People

With whom do you spend the most time? Are they generous, self-confident people who admire and encourage you? Or critical, whiny ones who feel awful about themselves?

If it’s the latter type, they are daily reinforcing your negative self-image—and making it feel “normal”. Replace the “downers” in your life with upbeat, optimistic people whose outlook and moods are positively contagious.

4. Catalogue Your Gratitude

Research suggests that a lack of self confidence may be due to feelings of “impotence” (“I’m not sufficient.”) or “deprivation” (“I don’t have sufficient.”).

A “deficit mentality” triggers self-pity and a “what’s-the-use” attitude about your relationship goals.

Create a “How to Build self confidence” journal. List anything you have reason to be grateful for. Include everything, from the easy-to-overlook (“Today I found a great dating article.”) to the unforgettable (“Today, my guy told me he’s in love with me”).

Read (and add to) your list daily as a confidence-boosting reminder that what you DO have far outpaces what you DON’T.

5. Celebrate Your Past Successes

Identify your praiseworthy decisions and accomplishments from the past. Vividly, proudly reflect on them for 5 minutes daily. A success is a success! So leave nothing out. Examples:

Passed the test and received my driver’s license.
Spoke up to my boss and got the raise,
Rallied my courage and ended that sick relationship, etc.

Recalling the ways you’ve previously impressed yourself is how to build new self-confidence.

6. Take SMALL Steps to BIG Goals.

Setting attainable goals, then consistently taking “baby steps” toward them is THE most transformative self-confidence strategy.

List SPECIFIC goals with measurable outcomes (“By the 31st, I will post my profile on Match.com”). Then, work backwards to devise action steps to accomplish them.