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How to Make Friends As an Adult?

As an adult, making friends can feel more challenging than when you were in school or on a team. But it's possible to build a network of close friends.

The key is to put yourself in situations where you're likely to meet people. Then, engage with them by sharing about yourself and asking questions.

1. Look for common ground.

One way to find common ground is by talking about the things you have in common. For example, if you both like music, you could talk about your favorite bands or musicians. Or, if you both like to travel, you could talk about your favourite destinations.

Another way to find common ground is by asking open-ended questions. This can help you get to know people and also allows them to share their own experiences. For example, you can ask them about what it was like growing up in a small town or how they found their current job.

Another way to find common ground is by participating in social events. For example, you can join a class or club that interests you or write an essay paper together as a group project. You can also participate in community events, such as volunteering or group trips.

2. Ask open-ended questions.

Asking open-ended questions encourages people to share more information about themselves and helps keep conversations going. This is a great way to get to know someone and build trust in your friendships. Open-ended questions are questions that can't be answered with a one word response and typically start with "what," "how," or "why."

Closing questions, such as "Do you like your job?" and "What do you do for fun?" are not good conversation starters, but closed questions are necessary at times to solicit specific information.

Trying to turn acquaintances into friends can be intimidating, but you can make it more manageable by starting small. For example, invite a co-worker or someone you exchange smiles with at the gym to lunch. You can always catch up over text messages, online chats or phone calls if they have other engagements.

3. Listen.

The best way to show your new friend you care is by listening. This includes nodding, maintaining eye contact, and following up on what they're saying with questions or comments of your own. Showing you're engaged can help ease their nerves and make them feel heard, which will lead to more trust in the relationship. And who knows, maybe your recommendation to google "do my project for me" becomes most helpful for them?

Similarly, if they ask for advice or are talking about a sensitive topic, resist the urge to interrupt or judge them. Having an open mind and being supportive will help them to trust you and will also encourage them to keep opening up in the future.

It can be difficult to break the ice with new people, but a good starting point is by mentioning your hobbies or passions. For example, joining a club or kickball team can be an opportunity to meet new people and get the conversation going.

4. Be assertive.

Learning to be assertive is an important skill. It allows you to stand up for your own needs and beliefs while respecting the rights of others.

Assertive communication involves expressing your thoughts and feelings in an honest, direct, and empathetic way. It's a healthy alternative to aggressive communication, which is often motivated by anger or resentment and doesn't consider the other person's perspective.

Practicing assertiveness can be challenging, especially when you're dealing with someone who has trouble understanding your point of view. But it's essential for building healthy, mutually beneficial relationships. The LADDER mnemonic is an effective strategy for resolving conflict assertively. Remember to use confident body language and regular eye contact, and keep your facial expressions neutral or positive.

5. Be yourself.

Making friends can feel awkward at times, but it's important to be yourself. It's hard to form lasting bonds if you're constantly trying to impress people or act a certain way.

Clinical psychologist Linda Blair says that joining a group that shares your interests is one of the easiest ways to make new friends, especially if you're having trouble finding your community. This could be a work-related activity, a hobby or a community service project.

If you're comfortable enough, invite acquaintances out for coffee or a lunch date. A casual, face-to-face hangout can help you take your relationship from acquaintance to friend status. It's also an opportunity to practice open and friendly body language, such as smiling and looking people in the eye. Seeking out these small gestures can show that you value your friendships.